Reluctantdaddio

Now I have told you how I found out I want to expand on why I feel the need to air my feelings to complete strangers.

In one way it is for myself, putting virtual pen to virtual paper somehow puts closure on these feelings, writing in past tense puts them firmly in the past. I may not be lucky enough to have anyone cast their eyes over my deepest, darkest thoughts but by writing them in a way that explains to a third party it makes me feel like I am talking directly to someone and that helps me.

When I was at my lowest point, I didn’t know where to turn, I couldn’t be honest to my partner, she was already scared that I would run off, that was neveran option. I couldn’t be honest with my family, as much as they didn’t say it I could clearly see in their eyes that a new offspring was the most exciting thing to them.

So who could I turn to? Counselling? I never saw the point as they couldn’t change the outcome, I knew no one could do that, I just needed to be able to relate to someone else who felt the same and they were hard to find. In fact, even after this has all happened it is difficult to speak to anyone who didn’t want kids at some point in their life.

Even the people who had unwanted pregnancies all admitted that they wanted children at some point so the only accident was that it happened earlier than expected for them.

But I am part of a very small minority, I just didn’t want children in my life and suddenly that control had been taken away. I searched forums for help to see if there were a sympathetic pair of ears anywhere but I found list upon list of help for nervous mothers but nothing for fathers. This is the main reason I have started this. I appreciate that every persons situation will be different but if one scared dad-to-be reads any of this and feels slightly less isolated that I have achieved something.

If you always wanted kids then I’m sure that none of this will make sense to you and I sincerely hope you don’t judge me too harshly, but if you didn’t and it’s happening anyway, then I’ve been there and hopefully through my experiences I can help you feel a little bit better.

Thank you.

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6 thoughts on “Reluctantdaddio

  1. Hello Reluctantdaddio. I’ve read your two posts and am genuinely touched. I won’t lie; I can’t relate to them. I’ve always been paternal. The truth, however, is that men do not discuss parenting issues enough. Your honesty is very refreshing and the fact you are speaking about your difficult situation is to be applauded. I hope over time you adjust to your new life and enjoy being a parent. I can only base my opinion on what I have read, but I see no reason why you won’t. The very best of luck to you and please keep on blogging.
    John Adams, http://www.dadbloguk.com

  2. Having just read over your new blog I have to say, I can’t relate to it as I always wanted children, but I do think this is a subject that is seldom talked about. Well done for opening up and being honest and if just one bloke reads it and identifies with it then great. However from what I have read so far it would lead me to assume you will be a fantastic dad to your little man and although you arrived here reluctantly and your life will change, you will know its for the better. This will be a good outlet for all those thoughts that sometimes can’t be said out loud! Can’t wait to read more, keep blogging, emma x

  3. Hey
    As I’ve already said a million times, I think it takes complete guts to be as honest as you have been, As brutal as some may perceive it. There are probably so many men (and women) out there who have felt or are feeling exactly as you did and this will be a breath of fresh air for them. To know they are not alone or abnormal! I take my hat off to you and look forward to reading more, as I’m sure many others will second.
    Your banter buddy
    ProudMuma 🙂

    • Thank you very much for taking the time to give me your feedback. I started this blog for my own self therapy and it has been a great help and, as a side bonus, I have met some warm, fantastic, funny people like you along the way.

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